Some crazy things



Darwin Awards are out for 2004 ...

Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. It's an annual honour
given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing
themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was
the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him
as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.

And the nominees this year in reverse order are:

7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk.
Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the
fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house
down, killing both him and his sister.

6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of
suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and
weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and
white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to
create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask
that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its
place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube
approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into
his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation.
Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his
family very awkward.

5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when
another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and
crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around
their ankles.

4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried
to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle.
Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of
these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other
end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement.
Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was
alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he
assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground"
Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The
friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.

2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of
a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all
potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had
been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon
entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the
dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of
the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces
of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected
of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

by: newsnewsnewsca
05/26/04 12:22 pm
Msg: 132657 of 132685
1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez
tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.
Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed
to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to
his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the
machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the
mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed
and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the
ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles
are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's
scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from
him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was
compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer,
and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a
new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was
using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery,
and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the course.

NB: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die.

But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of
stupidity, we have allowed it.


Got funnies to share. IIP boring.
by: newsnewsnewsca
05/26/04 11:55 am
Msg: 132654 of 132686
The Moped...

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available.
It is also the most expensive car in the world.
He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light..

An old man on a Moped (about 75 years old) pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of
car ya got there, sonny?"

A brand new Ferrari.

It cost half a million dollars! "

"Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 220 miles an hour!" states the young
dude proudly.

The moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies the owner.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then
sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all
right...but I'll stick with my Moped !"

Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man
just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 10 seconds the
speedometer reads 120 mph.

It seems to be gaining,
He slows down to see what it could be and,
Something whips by him, going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" the young
man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 160

Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped.
Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari he gives it some more
gas and passes the Moped at 200mph ......

W-h-o-o-o-o-o-o-s-h! He's feeling pretty good until he looks in
his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again.
Astounded by the speed of this old guy he floors gas pedal and
takes the Ferrari all the way up to 220 mph.

Not ten seconds later he sees the Moped bearing down on him again.
The Ferrari is flat out and there's nothing he can do.

Suddenly the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing
the rear. The young man jumps out, and unbelievably, the old man is
still alive! He runs up to the mangled old man and says, " Is there
anything I can do for you?"

The old man whispers, " suspenders from your side-view

2003 winner.

Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant
> Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs
> and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and
> suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated
> Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil
> enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the
> elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where
> he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued
> to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police
> detective Erik Dern. 'with no one there to help him, he lay under all that
> dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that
> time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that
> "$hit happens."