Blonde Jokes:
FINALLY,
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES...
A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here
and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to
get it started."
Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle.
She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread
all over the table. He studied the pieces for just a moment, then looked at
the box, then turned to her and said,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He took her hand and said,
"Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and
then............", he sighed,......................
"Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."
Did you hear about the 2 blondes that froze to death at the drive-in movie?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter."
****
Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children?
She heard that 1 out of every 4 born in the world is Chinese.
****
Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?
There was a power outage and 12 blondes were stuck on the escalator for over 4 hours.
****
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents. The next day she took it to a repair shop. Since she was blonde, the shop owner decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard and all the dents would pop out. She went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into the tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew harder and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told what happened and what her instructions were to get the dents out but it wasn't working. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Duh, like...hello?? You need to roll up the windows first!!"
****
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, "It's a thermos. It keeps some things hot and some things cold." "Wow," said the blonde. "That's amazing! I'm going to buy it." So she bought it and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk and asked, "What do you have there?" "Why, it's a thermos, she replied. It keeps some things hot and some things cold." Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?" She replied, "Two Popsicles and some coffee."
****
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife Susie something nice for their first wedding anniversary, so he decided to get her a cell phone. He explained all of its features and how to use it. Susie was very excited and simply adored her new phone. The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband. "Hi Susie," he said. "How do you like your new phone?" Susie replied, "Oh, I just love it! It's so small and your voice is as clear as a bell, but I don't understand one thing." "What's that sweetie?" asked her husband. "How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
****
Two blondes living in
****
A redhead goes to see her doctor and told him her body hurt wherever she touched it. "That's impossible!" he replied. "Show me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left leg and screamed, then pushed on her elbow and screamed even more. Everywhere she pushed made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead are you?" "Well, no, she replied. I'm really a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken!"
****
A Russian, an American and a blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space." The American said, "We were the first on the moon." The blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun." The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. The blonde replied, "We're not that stupid you know. We're going at night!"
****
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. She rolled the dice and landed on Science and Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name can you hear it? She thought for a moment and asked, "Is it on or off?"
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams, then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony.
She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams.
Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor says.
"Your finger is broken."
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Did you hear about the 2 blondes that froze to death at the drive-in movie?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter."
****
Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children?
She heard that 1 out of every 4 born in the world is Chinese.
****
Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?
There was a power outage and 12 blondes were stuck on the escalator for over 4 hours.
****
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents. The next day she took it to a repair shop. Since she was blonde, the shop owner decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard and all the dents would pop out. She went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into the tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew harder and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told what happened and what her instructions were to get the dents out but it wasn't working. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Duh, like...hello?? You need to roll up the windows first!!"
****
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, "It's a thermos. It keeps some things hot and some things cold." "Wow," said the blonde. "That's amazing! I'm going to buy it." So she bought it and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk and asked, "What do you have there?" "Why, it's a thermos, she replied. It keeps some things hot and some things cold." Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?" She replied, "Two Popsicles and some coffee."
****
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife Susie something nice for their first wedding anniversary, so he decided to get her a cell phone. He explained all of its features and how to use it. Susie was very excited and simply adored her new phone. The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband. "Hi Susie," he said. "How do you like your new phone?" Susie replied, "Oh, I just love it! It's so small and your voice is as clear as a bell, but I don't understand one thing." "What's that sweetie?" asked her husband. "How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
****
Two blondes living in
****
A redhead goes to see her doctor and told him her body hurt wherever she touched it. "That's impossible!" he replied. "Show me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left leg and screamed, then pushed on her elbow and screamed even more. Everywhere she pushed made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead are you?" "Well, no, she replied. I'm really a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken!"
****
A Russian, an American and a blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space." The American said, "We were the first on the moon." The blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun." The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. The blonde replied, "We're not that stupid you know. We're going at night!"
****
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. She rolled the dice and landed on Science and Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name can you hear it? She thought for a moment and asked, "Is it on or off?"
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