DIVORCE
AGREEMENT From Real Americans TO:
THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG
PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have
stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of
this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know
we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but
sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not
ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms.
We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
--Our two groups
can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion.
That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a
friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective
representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such
distinct and disparate tastes.
--We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
--You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
--Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
--We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and bio-diesel.
--You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You
are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle
big enough to move all three of them.
--We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical
companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.
--You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.
--We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.
--We'll keep the
Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .
--You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain
the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
--You can have
the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under
assault, we'll help provide them security.
--We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
--You are welcome
to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain.
You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
--We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury
cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
--You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any
practicing doctors.
--We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
--We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."
--I'm sure you'll
be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum
Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".
--We'll practice trickle down economics and you can
continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
--Since it
often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to
other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree,
just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which
one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen,
Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with
you.
P.S.S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you
call our country.
Forward
This Every Time You Get It ! Let's Keep This Going, Maybe Some Of It Will Start
Sinking In.